Talk to Text Funnies


Chances are pretty darn good that if you find yourself among those that I frequently text, then you have received some real gems from me over the years. Let me first clarify by saying that I have a bad habit of going from talk to text on my phone without proofreading.  Anyone who knows me knows that I am on the go 24/7 so it should be no wonder that I never take the time to reread my texts before sending them out. Thanks to this habit, I have sent quite a few memorable texts to my friends. (Please note that due to fact that these are funny text messages, there are words used that I normally would not post on my blog!)

Using the talk to text function on my cell is just easier for me. My friends constantly beg me not to use it, but it is just part of who I am. This is especially true since many of my texts are long. (Yes, even in a text message, you can tell I am writer. Details are important, people!)

One year, I was hosting brunch for Cinco de Mayo. A friend had texted me from the store seeing if I needed anything. What I meant to text was Hormel Bacon Bits. What my friend received was a request for a whore named Mel. Shortly thereafter, when my friend handed me the Hormel Bacon bits I thought I requested, she made sure to add, “I know these aren’t the whore named Mel you asked for, but I hope they’ll do.” Yes, my friends have learned how to decipher my texts over the years.

The best text so far would be one I sent to a friend I had just visited. When I hadn’t texted her to tell her I got home safely, she sent me a quick message to check on me.  I had stopped to grab a bite to eat for the trip and thought I’d sufficiently explained it with this message, “I stopped at that restaurant I love and got me one of those a large focaccia sandwiches.” To my horror, when I reread what I had actually sent, I saw that it actually said, “I stopped and got a large cock sandwich.”

My face could not have been redder. I sent her another message immediately saying, “Don’t look at that last text! That isn’t what I meant to text you at all!” Of course, that just makes someone more curious.  It wasn’t long before she called me laughing her butt off and said, “Oh, that just made my day.” I am glad she got a kick out of my embarrassment.  (And her being exposed to my craziness strengthened our friendship!)

Last year, a friend posted something really frustrating he was dealing with on Facebook and I replied, “That freaking sucks.” When the Hubs got home that night, I asked him if he saw our friend’s Facebook posting.

His reply was simply, “Yes, and it does suck. But did you really have to drop the “F” bomb on Facebook like that?”

Again, to my horror, I said, “I know I said freaking.” However, I was wrong and the talk to text feature failed me, again.

Here is a screen shot of the most recent text I sent to the Hubs that was certainly not what I meant to say. It was supposed to ask him to pick our youngest up from gymnastics. This is what was sent instead and no-my youngest daughter’s name is not beer.  (May I add that we don’t make it a habit to take alcohol to our kid’s sporting events).


I know I am not alone out there in having this happen. Thinking back on my focaccia sandwich and Hormel Bacon Bits fiascos, I can’t help but laugh. Feel free to share some of your most memorable talk to text bloopers below. I can’t wait to see if anyone can outdo me for most embarrassing text of all time!



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